When Mom Comes to Visit...

Ahhh, Mothers Day is just about upon us again. My mother decided it was time she came down out of the cold to "Sunny South Florida" this weekend.

I want to start off by saying "I Love You Mom", but next time you come visit you can have the place to yourself, because I'll be at the Marriott till I take your bitter as to the airport.

The first 5 minutes with my mother is bad enough, forget about the last 24 hours. As soon as she jumps in the car I have to hear the bitching about how long it took to get here with all the delays...Okay, that was expected.

We arrive at my house, which is by no means cluttered or dirty but you'd think I'd had pizza boxes and beer cans laying all over the place to hear her tell it. The truth is I am kind of a neat freak...not obsessed with it, but I keep very organized and tidy.

Just for fun, I decided to write down some "quotes" as it helped me to deal with the constant communication (BITCHING), I also wrote down some of the answers I gave her:

1) It looks like you live in a storage bin...for Christs sake god damn it already!!! (Damn mom, you kiss your grand kids with that mouth?)

2) What is that smell in here? "Well, I cooked you dinner mom" It smells like ass and feet in here...LOL

3) God damn it, I asked you to put my things in the storage unit, why are they still in the closet. (My bad, she did ask me to store some winter clothes for her, OOPS!!)

4) I Think your sister is going through the change, for some reason she keeps hanging up on me. (If you didn't bitch so much, she'd probably love to hear from you...I know that for a fact, because then I get a phone call from my sister hysterically crying).

5) Jesus, Mary and Joseph, doesn't anyone speak English here any more God Damn it? (This was said loudly in Publix, and no mom, this is South Florida, English is a second language to most people here).

6) I think they should outlaw these god damn SUV's, it hard to back out of the parking spot next to them because you can't see. Jesus Christ already. (Get one yourself).

7) Why do you close the top to the aspirin bottle, I like it open. (Whatever, I'm getting bitched at for putting the top on the bottle of aspirin).

Okay, that was just the first 2 hours, imagine if I had out of date milk in the fridge...LOL

I take it all with a grain of salt and just say yes mother...thinking to myself it'll only be another 69 hours and you can sleep 20 of those and stay drunk the rest of the time.

I think she is definitely a good candidate for HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) I'll have to sneak some in her Iced Tea. (Yeah, I would).

This is just a little piece of my world this weekend, Thanks for listening to all of it Martha...LOL

I do love my mother, but seriously, she goes to my brothers house next time!!!!!